Today, I'm going to introduce you two historic celebrities. One is John Adams and the other is Thomas Jefferson. They are alike in many ways. For instance, John Adams was an important person in the American Revolution. Likewise, Thomas Jefferson also played an important part in that revolution. Besides, John Adams studied and practiced law. Similarly, Thomas Jefferson studied and practiced law. With their excellent behaviours, both John and Thomas were delegates to the Continental Congress. Moreover, John Adams was the signer of Declaration of Independence, and so did Thomas Jefferson. They were also alike in being U.S. president. Furthermore, they both died on July 4th in 1826s .What a coincidence! John Adams made history because of his glories. Similarly, Thomas Jefferson made history because of his glories.
In memory of their epic achievement, the residence in U.S. built monuments for them.
Moreover, John Adams was the signer of Declaration of Independence, and so did Thomas Jefferson.
回覆刪除so did --> so was
What a coincidence!
這句好好笑!!偉人都是同一天死的
achievement-->achievements
沒什麼問題喔~~What a coincidence! What a coincidence! ~~~~
They are alike in many ways.
回覆刪除這裡ALIKE的用法怪怪的..
應該是A AND B ARE ALIKE吧@@
Likewise, Thomas Jefferson also played an important part in that revolution.
這裡的revolution可以換成one避免重複提到相同名詞
Thomas Jefferson studied and practiced law.
這句話感覺是贅詞 因為跟上一句一模一樣
你可以說so did Thomas Jefferson
behaviour不可數喔
They were also alike in being U.S. president把alike放在中間也怪怪的
Similarly, Thomas Jefferson made history because of his glories.
這句話又跟上一句重複出現囉
可以想看看別的方法表達
Today, I'm going to introduce you two historic celebrities. 開頭很有演講的fu XDXD
回覆刪除They are alike in many ways.
可以加連接詞 :>>>>
With their excellent behaviours, both John and Thomas were delegates to the Continental Congress.
delegate是名詞喔 !!!!
Moreover, John Adams was the signer of Declaration of Independence, and so did Thomas Jefferson.
應該是
Moreover, John Adams was the signer of Declaration of Independence, and so "was" Thomas Jefferson.
They were also alike in being U.S. president.
They were both alike in being U.S. president.
可以改成both 這樣感覺比較順XDXD
What a coincidence!
笨CO你也太可愛了
我看到這具都笑了:)))
很生動喔:>>>>
John Adams was the signer of Declaration of Independence, and so was Thomas Jefferson才對喔~
回覆刪除我覺得這句John Adams made history because of his glories. Similarly, Thomas Jefferson made history because of his glories.
可以合併一下~用別的用法!!!
我覺得最後一句很好=)
and so did Thomas Jefferson
回覆刪除// and so was Thomas Jefferson
They were also alike in being U.S. president
這句我覺得怪怪的欸!
residence這裡怪怪的 // 是 resident 喔
用法都挺容易懂的,不過有重複呢 儘量不要重複好喔!
開頭和結尾使得整篇文章很完整的感覺呢:D
Similarly, Thomas Jefferson studied and practiced law. With their excellent behaviours, =>behaviors~應該是拼錯了吧=ˇ=
回覆刪除both John and Thomas were delegates to the Continental Congress. Moreover, John Adams was the signer of Declaration of Independence, and so did Thomas Jefferson. => and so was Thomas Jefferson.
John Adams made history because of his glories. Similarly, Thomas Jefferson made history because of his glories.=>what a coincidence that both of them made history because of their glories. =>我覺得兩句可以結合喔!!
In memory of their epic achievement, the residence in U.S. built monuments for them=>我覺得最後可以再加上一小句你自己簡短的”我認為”喔!!
開頭我覺得不錯!!~
回覆刪除第六行→so was Thomas
→What a coincidence that both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson made history because of his glories. 合併有比較好嗎?
有加很多自己豐富的感情，還不錯~
第六行 John Adams was the signer of Declaration of Independence, and so did Thomas Jefferson.
回覆刪除是 and so was Thomas Jefferson
最後一行 In memory of their epic achievement
是achievements
文章裡面 similarly 和 both 這些句型有重複 可以換成別的寫法