2011年6月11日 星期六
Discussing Effects-2
Acton is a small town in the Midwest, which is a safe, quiet, and clean place to live. The lifestyle in the town hasn't changed very much over the past 100 years. Last month, Stanley Manufacturing decided to open a large factory in Acton. Though the efforts are not always benefic for the town, I am on the same page as those who support the construction of the large factory. First of all, with the new factory be building, people there can have more jobs than ever. In this way, they don't have to worry their income to support their families. Secondly, domestic economy will grow rapidly on account of the commerce with other countries. They can sell their domestic products to others to make a profit. Thirdly, after becoming a prosperous town, more and more people will appeal to this town. With emerging technology and useful knowledge they bring, the town won't be isolated from the other towns. In a word, taking into account of these reasons, I think it advantageous for Stanley Manufacturing to build a large factory in Acton.
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張貼留言 (Atom)
Though the efforts are not always benefic for the town=>benefit=))
回覆刪除I am on the same page as those who support the construction of the large factory.=>~on the same page是指站在同樣立場來說齁~我喜歡這個用法~好像常看到大家都在用~把它學起來~哈~
First of all, with the new factory be building, people there can have more jobs than ever. =>~factory being built, people there can have more job opportunities than ever before.
In this way, they are capable of supporting their families instead of being anxious about the income.我覺得這邊放to感覺很怪~至少改成關代我覺得可能會比較好~
Secondly, domestic economy will grow rapidly on account of the commerce with other countries.我覺得這一段有點小誇張因為一個小鎮的經濟還可以連帶影響到整個國內~我覺得有點怪
First of all, with the new factory be building, people there can have more jobs than ever.
回覆刪除應該是with the new factory being built 吧?
In a word, taking into account of these
reasons(用effect比較切題唷:D)
我看別人的文章和自己的時會覺得蘇然沒有離題都是在寫effects但是就是有離題的感覺=ˋˋ=!!
看你的文章時沒有那種感覺欸:D
這篇寫的很好，喜歡一些句子，EX：
Though the efforts are not always benefic for the town, I am on the same page as those who support the construction of the large factory.
First of all, with the new factory be building, --> First of all, with the new factory being built, 哈哈哈哈...
回覆刪除can have more jobs -->can have more job opportunities哈哈哈哈...
more and more people will appeal to this town.
--> more and more people will be appealed to this town.哈哈哈哈...
they don't have to worry their income to support their families.
回覆刪除可改成 they don't have to worry about their income and have enough money to support their families.
Secondly, domestic economy will grow rapidly on account of the commerce with other countries.
這裡用domestic有點奇怪~
3-4th Though the efforts are not always benefic for the town
回覆刪除//benefic 可以寫 beneficial (be beneficial to)
5th with the new factory be building
// with the new factory be built
論點來說我是覺得還不錯呢!
第五行 with the new factory be building
回覆刪除是be built啦XDD
第六行Secondly, domestic economy will grow rapidly on account of the commerce with other countries. 在一個小鎮蓋工廠就會讓國內經濟變好!?
這句可能要改一下喔
其他得還不錯啦~~
Acton is a small town in the Midwest, which is a safe, quiet, and clean place to live. The lifestyle in the town hasn't changed very much over the past 100 years.
回覆刪除>>>第一句有補充更詳細一點很棒
還不錯