2011年5月29日 星期日
Expressing an Opinion-1
Despite the fact that wearing casual clothes is freer than wearing uniforms. I feel that wearing uniforms is more convenient. There are several reasons below why I support wearing uniforms. To begin with, if something happens like a car accident, the police can know the identities of the students immediately judging by their uniforms so that the police can inform their families right away. In contrast, if the students wear casual clothes instead of uniforms, the police may take great pains to investigate the students' identities. Secondly, students don't have to think over what clothes to put on every morning. They needn't think which clothes they had already worn. They just need to dress themselves in uniforms, Wearing uniforms can save a lot of time. Thirdly, if students of the same school all wear casual clothes, the scene will be disorderly, while the scene of wearing uniforms seems orderly. Besides, wearing uniforms may make students feel that they are belong to the school. Due to all of these reasons, one must conclude that wearing uniforms is a good choice.
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Despite the fact that S+V, S+V...
回覆刪除第二行的below應該放在最後
因為reason配why就像reason+ for which
if something happens like a car accident
>> if something happens such as a car accident
為什麼judge是ing的型態呢@@?
最後一句的one是代表什麼? 看不懂xD
take pains用的很好喔 多學了一個片語~~
倒數第五行 They just need to dress themselves in uniforms, Wearing uniforms can save a lot of time.
回覆刪除w要小寫
其他的都ok~~
>> To begin with, if students had a car accident, the police can know the identities immediately by judging their uniforms (so that the police can inform their families right away. 我覺得這句不用).
回覆刪除喜歡你的開頭~~ 整體順暢通順
Despite the fact that wearing casual clothes is freer than wearing uniforms.
回覆刪除>>>Despite the fact that 子句,S + V
In contrast, if the students wear casual clothes instead of uniforms, the police may take great pains to investigate the students' identities.
>>>take great pains 用在這裡好像怪怪的
Secondly, students don't have to think over what clothes to put on every morning.
>>>think over有仔細考慮的意思
仔細考慮要穿什麼有點怪怪的
可以改成students don't have to worry about what ~
They needn't think which clothes they had a
lready worn.
>>>你是要說"哪些衣服他們之前已經穿過的嗎?"
They needn't consider that which clothes they had been already worn.
They just need to dress themselves in uniforms, Wearing uniforms can save a lot of time.
>>>They just need to dress themselves in uniforms"."
To begin with, if something ~pains to investigate the students' identities.
回覆刪除這段有點太長了~
可以嘗試省略一些><
Due to all of these reasons, one must conclude that wearing uniforms is a good choice.
結尾的人稱可改成I~
比較溫和的感覺!!!
其他的我覺得不錯=)
Thirdly, if students of the same school all wear casual clothes, the scene will be disorderly, while the scene of wearing uniforms seems orderly.
回覆刪除這句有點像在繞口令呢~看了眼花花!!
Besides, wearing uniforms may make students feel that they are belong to the school.
-->belong是用主動喔Besides, wearing uniforms may make students feel that they belong to the school.
很流暢的一篇~
To begin with, if something happens like a car accident, the police can know the identities of the students immediately judging by their uniforms so that the police can inform their families right away. 喔喔~這句好長喔~稍微分一下吧~
回覆刪除不然會有種眼花的感覺~
Due to all of these reasons, one must conclude that wearing uniforms is a good choice. 這句的結論感覺有點不夠力~><
其他的我覺得還不錯^^
I feel that wearing uniforms is more convenient
回覆刪除convient 的用法好像不能這樣用
6th take great pains to 不厭其煩地 換一個吧 這裡不太適當
倒數5 uniforms 後面是句號喔!
倒數3 the scene will be disorderly // scene -> discipline
Besides, wearing uniforms may make students feel that they are belong to the school.
//Besides, wearing uniforms may make students feel a sense of belonging
連接詞可再用其他詞替代 會使整篇不會那麼平板